I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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