i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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