This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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