then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
