I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
