The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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