i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
