He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
