Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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