i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
