do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
