maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
