i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
