All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
