After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
