This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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