carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You made out with two different species that night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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