I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
