I wannas sexs uuuuu
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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