They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
