God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
