Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
