Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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