So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
