dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
