2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
