I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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