This gyro tastes like lonliness
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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