i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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