The maid of honor just puked.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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