We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
