how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
