This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
FUCK WHALES
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
