Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
