I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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