At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
