you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
