Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
