I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
