Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
