good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
soo... how was my night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
