dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
