I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
