My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
