If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
