do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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