I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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