I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
