At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
