Joe is yelling at the trees again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
