how do flat chested girls get laid?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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